Writing Wrongs
By.
Diana M. Romaine
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Beth Snellgrove
Bobby Amatullo
Roy Devis
Howard Stahl
Noel Ryan
Mark Brady
Lori Kruger
Frances Mitterand
Gerald Cloony
Originally read May 4, 1993 at Southwest Texas State University by: Lydia Aguirre, Catherine Truxillo, PaulHaywood and David Carbajualah under the direction of Claudette Gardner.
Time - Present
Place - New York City, Terup, Conn.
Setting - An office, a rehearsal hall, a green roan.
The action takes place over several weeks
Synopsis — a conflicted playwright (Howard Stahl) confronts his creative and personal demons while directing a new play.
SCENE 1
The anti room to a small office DESK, TWO WOODEN OFFICE CHAIRS, BLACK DESK PHONE a man sits in one chair watching the secretary ~Who sits behind the desk. The secretary is reading a magazine.
BETH
(with out looking up fan magazine) You’re still looking at me
HOWARD
I’m sorry. I have a bad habit of staring.
BETH
Oh, no, that’s all right. Are you going to base a character on me? Like you did with Roy?
HOWARD
Where is Roy?
BETH
I bet he’s with Bobby. Bobby said this morning that Roy said he was expecting you so I know they’ll be back. Do you want something to read?
(Brandishing some fan magazines at him, one has his name and the name of a young starlet displayed on the front page)
HOWARD
No! Thank you..
BETH
Are you sure?
HOWARD
Yes.
BETH
Would you sign mine?
HOWARD
(aghast) NO! (there is a
Moment of silence)
BETH
Are you working on anything now? Bobby said that Roy said you were working real hard on something.
HOWARD
Ahh, wishful thinking on Roy’s’ part. I've been working but I…
BETH
Writers’ block?
HOWARD
Inspiration block. I can write there just isn’t anything to write about. I want to go another direction. That’ s why I’m here. Why am I talking to you? When is Roy coming back?
BETH
(has no idea what he’s talking about) How fascinating. What direction do you want to go?
HOWARD
I want to do something serious.
BETH
Oh, but you are so funny~ Roy showed us a letter you’d written him from France and it was hysterical! I made a copy and showed it around the building. You are so funny.
HOWARD
France was awful.
BETH
That’s why it was so funny!
HOWARD
It wasn’t meant to be. I was sick, my girl friend left me and I got mugged.
BETH
Separately those would be sad, but all together! You are so funny.
HOWARD
I wanted to go home.
BETH
But it was so funny! After that Roy always showed us what you said. Roy showed us another one from Philadelphia and you were going on about the weather and the cab drivers and some girl. We were all in tears.
HOWARD
So was I.
BETH
Did you know you’re funnier the further from here you are? We liked the letters from Europe better then the one’ s from here. Why are you funnier over there? That’s not very patriotic I think. Are you going to say anything else funny? Can I run go get something to write on? ( BETH EXISTS through DOOR into one of the offices)
HOWARD
Roy, I am going to kill you.
BETH
(from out side of room, sing songy) did you say something funny? No fair starting before I get back.
HOWARD
I think I’ve heard that before.
BETH
I can’t wait to tell Bobby all the funny stuff you said, he’ll be so jealous, he’s always saying if you get tired of writing you should sign up with him. He says he always needs good comics. And you’re good.
ROY
ENTERING Sorry that took so long Howard. I hope Beth kept you entertained.
ROY
Why don’t we stay out here?
HOWARD
Why?
ROY
Its easier to pretend I’m not here if they think I ‘m the secretary. I tell them I‘m in conference and they go away. If they cane back later I know they aren’t going to waste my time.
HOWARD
Not before you waste theirs first.
ROY
Testy. What’s up?
HOWARD
I really need to talk about the new script.
ROY
I thought it was going all right. What happened? They were very excited about hearing you were working again. I have a list already of people who want it.
HOWARD
I am not a Hack.
ROY
I didn’t say you were. I only said that we have a time frame to keep in mind. The Season waits for no man. If you want this up and running for next season...
HOWARD
I could care less! You left me sitting in the office like sane delinquent in the principal’s office! Do you think I need to have my time wasted! That woman wanted to take notes! Oh and thanks for letting the office read my letters! That’s all I need after the week I had! I wrote and told you my life was over and you treat it like a joke on a Dixie cup! And further more, you want it for next season. I could give a damn. It’s a Process!!.
ROY
So sue me! Artiste! Some one has to pay bills. Some times I've had to pay yours as well. If you don’t want people to know where you’ve been, stop leaving paper trails.
HOWARD
Thank you. I hope you haven’t used that line to describe me. Makes me sound like a literate slug.
ROY
A what?
HOWARD
I want to do something with value. I want to start working on something more serious.
ROY
Great. You want to kill me. You make no money for years! And as soon as you start to make money, you decide you don’t like it? Get Used To It!
HOWARD
Do you think the money thing is the problem; I want to be taken seriously! I ‘m tired of bleeding on to paper and having people finger paint with it!
ROY
Listen to yourself! You’re funny! Do you know what a talent you have? You are huge! People would kill to be you!
HOWARD
Let them talk to my analyst
ROY
This is ridiculous. I’m taking you home and you are going to go to sleep and tomorrow you will have cane to your senses.
HOWARD
Take me home, but I have all ready come to my senses. What you heard was my senses!
ROY
What do you mean? The last one was great. This one will be great. You just need a vacation. Have you thought about Hawaii or somewhere?
HOWARD
You’ll have a show.
ROY
Something like Bonus?
HOWARD
Probably not.
ROY
You had some serious moments in Pretty Tiger, can’t you get it out of your system with a few scenes here and there, why a whole show?
HOWARD
I don’t know.
ROY
Do you have any ideas?
HOWARD
Yes. I ‘m thinking about a family. Have you ever read Long Days Journey into Night?
ROY
Yes...
HOWARD
Kind of like that only shorter and not as depressing.
ROY
Why are you reading O’Neil? Read some Neil Simon. It'll cheer you up.
HOWARD
Because. I want to be remembered for something that ‘t be condensed into a sitcom. I want something to pass on that really says something about our times.
ROY
Have you been going to the museum again? Watch TV.
HOWARD
Talk to me. That play is finished
ROY
I thought you said it wasn’t finished yet?
HOWARD
Its not but its as finished as its going to be. I wanted to work on it more but it won’t do any good. Take it, Pimp it, rent it, auction it to the highest not - for - profit bidder • I wash my hands of it.
ROY
Make your money. You don’t work cheap. I have an idea. I have a friend who is on the board of a theatre and they just had a director bow out of a show and looking for another one. Do you want to do it, its real sad? Not a laugh in it.
HOWARD
I’m not a director.
ROY
So? Neither was the guy who dropped out. Its almost ready to they just need some supervision. I think you’ll like it.
HOWARD
think I’ll hate it. I’m not interested. I didn’t say I wanted to see a drama, I said I wanted to Write a drama.
ROY
What better way to learn! Listen to the rhythms watch the actors.
HOWARD
What is it called?
ROY
Father in A Bottle
HOWARD
Never heard of it. Who wrote it?
ROY
Local talent.
HOWARD
What’s it about?
ROY
Its about this family and the old man drinks and the mother is in sane kind of fantasy world and the kids, oh, the kids, you wanted drama! One was blinded by the old man’s gin and the other is on smack! Or is it one is blind and on smack and the other is psycho or something. The score is fabulous! I hear...
ROY
What better way to learn! Listen to the rhythms watch the actors.
HOWARD
It’s a Musical!
ROY
I hear the audience will be humming through their tears all the way home!
HOWARD
And in the finale dad drops over dead!
ROY
See! I knew you would have the right feel for it! Haven’t even read it and you could see the out cane! You were born for this!
HOWARD
No. That, Roy was a JOKE! I tried to imagine what would happen in an awful musical tragedy and that was it.
ROY
Oh, come on! There are kids who would die for this opportunity and you turn it down out of hand!
HOWARD
Then give a kid a break.
ROY
A kid wouldn’t understand the angst! You love angst, you are angst! It’s not going to be a lot of responsibility. Just some supervision! Maybe a pep talk here and there! It opens in; I don’t know when it opens. But it opens soon. Come on!
HOWARD
Where is it?
ROY
Terup
HOWARD
Which is where?
ROY
There is a fabulous Chowder festival in February.
HOWARD
What state is it.
ROY
Bliss.
HOWARD
No.
ROY
The theatre is wonderful. The towns’ people are really into the theatre.
HOWARD
It’s a Community theatre isn’t it?
ROY
Yes.
HOWARD
That’s it. I’m gone. I’m home. I take it the checks in the mail.
ROY
Oh come on, it’ll be like a mini - vacation, take who ever you’re seeing.
HOWARD
Do you know what happens to me on vacation! Just ask the secretarial pool.
ROY
Think of what it will do for your reputation.
HOWARD
I can only imagine.
ROY
What would it take?
HOWARD
More then you want to give me.
ROY
I said I could talk deal. You want your drama. You have your drama.
HOWARD
No, you said give me the play and I will talk about it. You did not say “do this huge possibly career ending favor for me, then we’ll talk”.
ROY
Its up to you. If you walk you walk. I could forget you were ever here today. You could try to peddle a serious drama in today’s climate. By Yourself. I could have helped out; you aren’t as famous as you think you are. Name recognition alone will have them laughing... but. If you want to do this...
HOWARD
What happened to “You’re Huge!” ( pauses) In a previous life you sold cars didn’t you. How long would this take?
ROY
It depends. They have awhile before they go up and after that they have a two-week run. You would have to be there for rehearsals and for the run. 4 weeks.
HOWARD
A Month? No way. Two Weeks.
ROY
Four. I can’t do that with this.
HOWARD
Why did the director bow out?
ROY
His wife left him.
HOWARD
Did he make her watch it?
ROY
They didn’t share that with me. You owe me.
HOWARD
(sighing)
ROY
Fine. I’ll make reservations.
HOWARD
I all ready have reservations
SCENE 2
Several Days later. A rehearsal hall at one end there is a lounge area that serves as the green room. Cheap furniture, battered soft drink and candy machines. Old magazines, dead plants. The rest of the roan is bare except for long conference tables, folding chairs and beat up prop furniture.
HOWARD
(Writing at table, reading out loud) ... This place isn’t even a pit; it's a shallow grave! Roy you are an evil....
NOEL
(Entering) Sir, sir are you Howard Stahl?
HOWARD
Thank God! . Did you know I don’t have a bathroom? I have to share one with an ax murderer next door? And there is no hot water?
NOEL
(Temporarily speechless) Welcome to town sir. I ‘m your stage manager Noel Nolan. I have the rehearsal schedule and the cast list and the work the previous director had done, blocking, choreography etc... We are really happy that you have come to help us out. We’ve been holding rehearsal, but we’ve gone about as far as we can go.
HOWARD
Now this is called what?
NOEL
Father In a Bottle but we’ve been thinking of changing it
HOWARD
You can’t do that.
NOEL
Oh...
HOWARD
When is rehearsal?
NOEL
(Looks at watch) When ever you need it to be. But actually, right now, it’s right now. Here.
HOWARD
This would be the place wouldn’t it.
NOEL
It’s just a read through. It’s really for your benefit. I told them to be here 10 minutes ago, so they should be here now. (They, in mass, minus Gerald, enter)
HOWARD
Some of my best friends are directors.
NOEL
Guys, Mr. Stahl is a very well known playwright from New York. I’m sure you are familiar with his work. I know you are all going to cooperate. Is everybody here?
FRANCES
Gerald’s not here, he’s with Nina.
LORI
Did she die?
MARK
(To Howard) Fran your mouth to God’s ears. Gerald is the coroner. I would like to introduce myself. I am Mark Brady. I play Phillip.
HOWARD
Who is?
MARK
The Son. The Lead. Did you read it or not. What kind of professionalism is that?
NOEL
Down Mark. Mr. Stahl, Mark plays most of the younger lead parts.
HOWARD
A male ingénue ( smirks)
FRANCES
Yes, last year he played the lead in Doyle’s Folly.
HOWARD
You did?
GERALD
(enters) He played the tree.
MARX
Are you saying I’m wooden?
GERALD
I am saying that I have worked on corpse’s that wouldn’t be as stiff on stage as you are.
MARK
Looking for dates or hanging out with contemporaries?
LORI
Let me introduce myself, I’m Lori Kruger, I’m Genie in the play.
HOWARD
You’re blind and die right?
LORI
Nina decided against blind. I still die though.
FRANCES
My name is Francis Meterrand. Its lovely to meet you. I saw Pretty Tiger. It was marvelous.
MARK
(still upset) I’m not wooden. And I am not a male ingénue
GERALD
Neither is Formica. Does that make it less stiff?
HOWARD
Now that we all have been introduced. Where were you when David left? Where did you leave off?
GERALD
We did not leave off. We continued as before. There has been no pause in the rehearsal process. I saw to that myself.
HOWARD
So you’ ye have been the acting director?
MARK
He neither acts nor directs.
HOWARD
Noel.
NOEL
Okay, why don’t we read through for Mr. Stahl?
HOWARD
Good. Do that.
GERALD
I will begin.
LORI
Where?
GERALD
At the beginning
LORI
Where am I then? I’m not in the beginning.
FRANCES
You really aren’t very bright dear, are you?
LORI
(miffed) My boyfriend calls me the light of his life. (exits)
GERALD/ WALTER
I am the king of my castle! The Lord of the Manor! Master of all I survey!
MARK
I’m not ready yet.
NOEL
It’s a read through. You don’t have to be ready.
GERALD
Of course. I was warming up.
HOWARD
Yes.
GERALD and the others go about an abbreviated warm up routine before launching into the
Reading.
GERALD/WALTER
To unto me were children born and unto me only sadness brought. I think I shall never see another day with out rain another moment with out pain. All I have has been taken from me except those thankless creatures and my little dog. Flip. If I were to die tomorrow I would have only the memories of that wonderful animal to keep me through those endless nights of death. Where are you Flip? Daddy misses you!
NOEL
Okay, there’s a song here.
HOWARD
Do we have anything to use as music?
MARK
Damn, and me with out my Amazing Zippy Pocket Piano. Do we ever?
HOWARD
Is there a copy of the score?
FRANCES
We’ve been humming.
HOWARD
There is no score? Why is this musical? How is this a musical?
FRANCES/ETHEL
Walter. I am going to Mothers now
GERALD/ WALTER
Your mother is dead.
FRANCES/ETHEL
Mommy? (sigh). Do you need anything at the store? I ran out of a few things.
GERALD/WALTER
I want a chicken potpie.
MARK/PHILLIP
Mumsey! You! I’m Back!
FRANCES/ETHEL
You were gone?
MARK/PHILLIP
Oh yes, for quite some time actually. I was living with my lover.
.
GERALD/WALTER
Did she get tired of you too?
MARK/PHILLIP
Not as tired as I got of HIM. Tell me did sis get over that “insulin habit” (mimes shooting up) she picked up in Amsterdam or did she finally kick that?
LORI
Are they talking about me yet? I have a song. Are we stopping and starting or what?
MARK
We were reading until you stopped us. Now we have to start.
HOWARD
No, that’s all right. I think I’ve heard enough. What are the songs?
NOEL
A lot like the dialogue only in 4,4 time.
HOWARD
(sighing). Do we have costumes for this? Lights. How far has this progressed?
NOEL
Well, they pretty much supply their own costumes, but we told them to put sequins on then for this.
HOWARD
Sequins?
NOEL
It is a musical.
HOWARD
Lights?
NOEL
Just what we have. Four frenels, 2 PACs and a strip light. Normally we go for a realistic feel.
LORI
We have the flashlights we used for the puppet show.
MARK
Thank you for sharing Lori.
HOWARD
I think I need to lie down. I think this is all for tonight. You’re dismissed. Go Home.
(pauses) Noel?
.
NOEL
Yes?
HOWARD
Do you believe in a just God?
NOEL
Yes sir.
HOWARD
Pray we all die before we have to present this. Go Home. (NOEL EXITS). (to self) I am in hell. I am being punished for my sins. I am being punished for Roy’s’ sins. I wonder where along the way I died. I am most certainly in hell. I must be dead. Did the car go off the road at any time? Did I get some bad seafood? Its not as hot as I would have thought it would be. ( NOEL ENTERS)
NOEL
I brought your script back. You’re going to need it.
HOWARD
For what?
NOEL
Rehearsal.
HOWARD
For what? That farce? Where did you find it? And those people? From what rock did you scrape then out from under and why?
NOEL
They’re the Company. They just need a little work.
HOWARD
The acropolis needs a little work.
NOEL
It just looks bad, it’ll get better.
HOWARD
Who wrote it?
NOEL
Nina Fourstenberg.
HOWARD
I know that name. Why?
NOEL
This is The Fourstenberg Theatre. Nina is seeing Gerald, she wrote it for him.
HAROLD
Why, does she hate him?
NOEL
She doesn’t.
HAROLD
Didn’t anyone read this? This is a community theatre isn’t there a board of directors or an Artistic Director, some sort of governing body that decides what gets produced. I can’t see any rational person okaying that script for production. It’s going to ruin you.
NOEL
Dr. Foustenberg has the final word on productions.
HAROLD
Is he stupid? Has he read it? He did read it and he wants it to fail. He wants her to fail; I can see him wanting to set the screws to Gerald But why take everyone with them? He could have got even by sending out copies of it, why inflict it on a viewing audience the theatre is going to lose a fortune.
NOEL
The city uses it as a tax write off. It’s supposed to lose money.
HOWARD
Roy should know about this. I think his friend on the board should know about this.
NOEL
You could fix it.
HOWARD
Fix what? There isn’t anything to fix. Broken suggests the possibility of being repaired. There is nothing I could do for that play using the available verbiage; it could be sort of absurd...
NOEL
Yes...
HOWARD
This could work. I have to do something; I certainly can’t put my name on that trash. Even if everyone hates it, it’s still going to lose money. They seen to be playing it very strait, that could be a good thing though. If we kept the set simple and canceled the sequins? or really went with the sequin thing. Lots of sequins. We could get together a chorus. Chants.
The Next Day At Rehearsal
NOEL
There have been some changes.
HOWARD
I Clarified a few passages.
GERALD
What do you mean you’ve clarified a few things? This has been torn apart.
HOWARD
I said I want to get to work.
LORI
All the Kings horses and all the Kings men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.
FRANCES
Out of the mouths of babes.
GERALD
You re - wrote it
MARK
You can’t do this. I know you can’t do this.
HOWARD
Consider it a New Translation.
GERALD
I can’t believe you did this.
HOWARD
I stepped in and helped a colleague. I have a great respect for the written word.
GERALD
You changed the title!
HOWARD
Its been done before.
GERALD
Bottled Dad!
HOWARD
Bottled Dad, Does any body else have any thing to say?
MARK
I had 64 lines before. I now have only 59, and I think you have me confused with the dog.
HOWARD
If ‘you read carefully, Walter has you confused with the dog.
FRANCES
Ethel canes off like a deluded idiot.
GERALD
He played favorites..
LORI
I don’t have any lines any more. Thanks! (actually thankful) all I do know is walk through with my eyes closed, so I’m blind again, right? Do I still die? I sing though. Where are all those extra people going to cane from? Are my eyes open when I sing?
HOWARD
No and yes, Wide open.
LORI
So they’re closed all the rest of the time? How will I see?
HOWARD
Genie sees better then any body else.
GERALD
I am going to Nina. This is ridiculous.
HOWARD
(calling after him) The correct term is Absurd.
MARK
I think I agree with Gerald this time, we don’t do this sort of thing. We do Noel Coward.
HOWARD
Now you do Nina Fourstenberg. Noel lets get to work.
NOEL
Gerald isn’t here.
HOWARD
And mores the pity. Can we read this please? I’ll read Dad.
HOWARD/DAD
I look around. I see things that I bought, that I worked to pay for. That I placed where I wanted then to go. Now, I look around and I don’t recognize any of it. Where did all these Things came from? Who bought then, what where they thinking?
Did I need this (picks up a Hummel - type figure) when did I become a collector?
FRANCES /ETHEL
You don’t live here by yourself. I collect them. I bought these things. They are where I want them to be. When did you stop noticing me? (disgusted) I am going to visit my Mother.
HOWARD/DAD
Your Mother is dead.
FRANSES/ETHEL
You Noticed! . (Exits)
HOWARD / DAD
I had children. They made me miserable. They talk in rhymes; they tease me with strange ideas. They’re all gone. My dog is still here. He loves me. Flip. If I where to die tomorrow, the only good things I would take with me would be thoughts of him. Flip!
NOEL
Okay, there is no song here?
HOWARD
No. Cut. Mark. You, Here. Now.
MARK/PHILLIP
Mother! , ( to DAD)You! I’m back!.
MARK
From the dead.
HOWARD
That was funny before. This is now.
HOWARD/DAD
You were gone?
MARK/PHILLIP
Oh, yes, for quite sometime. I was living with my Lover.
HOWARD/ DAD
I take it she got tired of you.
MARK/PHILLIP
Not as tired as I got of HIM! Tell me, did sis kick that “insulin” habit she picked up in Amsterdam?
HOWARD/ DAD
More rhymes.
LORI
Have you got to me yet?
MARK
Oh.Good. We were reading through till you made us stop.
HOWARD
No, ~that’s all right. I want sane one to get Gerald.
GERALD
(ENTERS). I am here.
HOWARD
I all ready talked to her.
GERALD
I Know.
HOWARD
Lets start this again.
SCENE 3
The Greenroom opening night
(there would need to be a scene change to the green roan)
HOWARD
(to Roy, who is returning f rom the audience) Do they like it?.
ROY
It depends, they love the costumes. I .think they are waiting for the punch line.
HOWARD
It ‘is the punch line.
ROY
When I sent you here to do this I didn’t mean for you to make it into sane kind of grand statement. All you had to do, as I understand, all you were willing to do, was watch the final run throughs and attend the show. I didn’t say anything about rewriting.
HOWARD
A cretin after hearing the original would have found the motivation to learn to write so that he could re - write that mess. It was my duty.
ROY
Your duty as what?
HOWARD
As a member of the artistic community. I could not allow that trash to pollute air. I write, its what I do. I rewrite the back of cereal boxes. It’s a compulsion.
ROY
What if a director of one of your plays was similarly compulsed?
HOWARD
It’s not the same thing.
ROY
Why because you didn’t write it? You’ve had dogs in your day too. If a director took that kind of liberty with your work you would sue.
HOWARD
Frau time to time, lines have been changed. I understood.
ROY
Lines! One here, one there. You changed an Entire Script. I was in that Office for over an hour hearing about this. It started out as a tragedy.
HOWARD
Most of Nina’s script was uproariously funny; I didn’t change it as much as edit.
ROY
Even still. If they wanted a script doctor they would have asked for one.
HOWARD
Roy, you’re my agent! Stop lecturing me...
ROY
I’m sorry. She did say you had talked to her about it. Mr.Fourstenberg was the one really angry about it.
HOWARD
You know why?! He wanted it to fail! He knew it was awful. He doesn’t want a hit! If it succeeds he’ll never stand it. Nina is seeing Gerald, she wrote it for him Fourstenberg wanted to nail both of then to the wall. Gerald, for all his bitching and complaining, he’s great in the part. Nina now looks like the next best thing. Of Course his angry.
ROY
Okay, all things aside. It’s still funny. When I heard that you re - wrote it. I was imagining Death of a Salesman 2.
HOWARD
I tried. How did O’Neil know a line was good? I know. How is anybody ever going to take my work seriously if I ‘m making then laugh?
ROY
Laughter is the best medicine.
HOWARD
No one appreciates anything unless they walk away crying.
ROY
A Cathartic experience of any kind is still Catharsis.
HOWARD
Ahhhhh. It’s not the same!
ROY
Bobby’s always telling his comics that humor is a highly perishable substance. What gets a laugh today, maybe won’ t next year, or even tomorrow. Death and depression keep much better. You ever watch a revival of old comedy? It’s never as funny as it once was. Things don’t make sense any more. But you can cry through a sad show every time you see it. Tragedy is forever sad. Funny doesn’t keep.
HOWARD
You make me feel so much better. I told you I wanted to write something of substance. And I Can’t! What you are telling me is that I am doomed to obscurity.
ROY
So keep writing! You want to stop because you want to leave something that lasts. Do you think you’ve been writing on clouds? As long as your work is out there it will last. People will find different reasons for it to be funny. It only gets stale if it wasn’t good to begin with. Cheer Up! I don’t want to talk to you about this any more. Different topic.How about Directing? Calm down and tell all about it.
HOWARD
This is the most stressful situation I have ever been in.
ROY
How so?
HOWARD
I’m not in control. Not any more. They can go up there and do what ever they want. I can’t have then start over a section I don’t think is going well. I tried watching it before, but I wanted to run up there and guide Lori to her mark. I had to leave. Its bad enough I can hear them walking on each other’s lines.
ROY
This is good. See, you’re breathing. Tell me about rehearsal.
HOWARD
I guess it depended on what page we were on. 46 was great with Gerald, who walked Out of page 60. Mark loves his monologue on page 23, but coughed all the way through page 45. Of all of them Frances and Lori have really gotten into it. Mark hates me, Gerald doesn’t’ t speak to me, much improvement over Gerald speaking to me. I wish they could understand, they recognize good drama, they have Actually done some decent things. I think they’ll come around. Not that it matters, this is the first, last and only night of the run.
ROY
They made up their minds?
HOWARD
Fourstenberg wants the whole thing over.
ROY
Nina.
HOWARD
I don’t know. . I don’t want it to be over. The cast lives for this. They don’t know it, but they are really actors.
ROY
Are you ready to cane home and write your own drama?
HOWARD
I don’t think I could even if I wanted to.
ROY
They laughed again, they’ve been laughing a lot. That is a good thing, you know. I talked to a comic that said that Making an audience laugh was an “exhibition of power”.
HOWARD
I don’t know.
ROY
Have you been paying attention to where they are? Shouldn’t this be? over soon?
HOWARD
Its almost over, Dad has to die yet. We’ll be able to hear that. But it could end at any time if Gerald decides to leave at will in the middle of a scene for sane reason, or one of the chorus wanders off. Or Lori forgets why she’s in the scene. I haven’t heard any screaming so they haven’t started to revolt against me yet. They hate me.
ROY
No. They don’t, they don’t even know who you are. Its not like you live here. Let them hate you.
HOWARD
It doesn’t matter. I did it though. I think I’m ready for a vacation.
Gerald enters the room
HOWARD
Gerald! What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be out there! Oh My God!
GERALD
What do you take me for? I just finished dieing! I am waiting for curtain call.
HOWARD
I told you this wasn’t going to be as bad as you thought it would be.
GERALD
Please! I am in character!
ROY
If you were really in character you would be dead.
GERALD HURRY’ S OUT.
HOWARD
He would know dead.
ROY
If this is as successful as it sounds, they’ll forget they ever even thought nasty things about you. A standing ovation he’ll tell everybody it was his idea.
HOWARD
I guess that would be one way of ducking this. Shifting the blame. I don’t know though. They seen to like it. There were A lot of people still here after intermission.
ROY
It could almost be performance art.
HOWARD
The seats are too comfortable.
ROY
Speaking of ovations. I think its over.
HOWARD
Go see what is going on. Silence is bad.
(Howard paces around the small roan. the sound of wild applause fills the roan)
ROY
They weren’t silent. They were crying! They love to cry! It’s going to run forever. You made then cry!
HOWARD
I think I’m ready for a vacation. How serious is Beth about
Bobby.
THE END