Saturday, April 26, 2003

Writing Wrongs

By.

Diana M. Romaine





CAST OF CHARACTERS



Beth Snellgrove
Bobby Amatullo
Roy Devis
Howard Stahl
Noel Ryan
Mark Brady
Lori Kruger
Frances Mitterand
Gerald Cloony





Originally read May 4, 1993 at Southwest Texas State University by: Lydia Aguirre, Catherine Truxillo, PaulHaywood and David Carbajualah under the direction of Claudette Gardner.



Time - Present

Place - New York City, Terup, Conn.

Setting - An office, a rehearsal hall, a green roan.


The action takes place over several weeks


Synopsis — a conflicted playwright (Howard Stahl) confronts his creative and personal demons while directing a new play.





SCENE 1

The anti room to a small office DESK, TWO WOODEN OFFICE CHAIRS, BLACK DESK PHONE a man sits in one chair watching the secretary ~Who sits behind the desk. The secretary is reading a magazine.















BETH

(with out looking up fan magazine) You’re still looking at me



HOWARD

I’m sorry. I have a bad habit of staring.



BETH

Oh, no, that’s all right. Are you going to base a character on me? Like you did with Roy?


HOWARD

Where is Roy?



BETH

I bet he’s with Bobby. Bobby said this morning that Roy said he was expecting you so I know they’ll be back. Do you want something to read?

(Brandishing some fan magazines at him, one has his name and the name of a young starlet displayed on the front page)



HOWARD

No! Thank you..



BETH

Are you sure?



HOWARD

Yes.



BETH

Would you sign mine?



HOWARD

(aghast) NO! (there is a
Moment of silence)



BETH

Are you working on anything now? Bobby said that Roy said you were working real hard on something.



HOWARD

Ahh, wishful thinking on Roy’s’ part. I've been working but I…



BETH

Writers’ block?



HOWARD

Inspiration block. I can write there just isn’t anything to write about. I want to go another direction. That’ s why I’m here. Why am I talking to you? When is Roy coming back?




BETH

(has no idea what he’s talking about) How fascinating. What direction do you want to go?



HOWARD

I want to do something serious.



BETH

Oh, but you are so funny~ Roy showed us a letter you’d written him from France and it was hysterical! I made a copy and showed it around the building. You are so funny.


HOWARD

France was awful.



BETH

That’s why it was so funny!



HOWARD

It wasn’t meant to be. I was sick, my girl friend left me and I got mugged.




BETH

Separately those would be sad, but all together! You are so funny.



HOWARD

I wanted to go home.



BETH

But it was so funny! After that Roy always showed us what you said. Roy showed us another one from Philadelphia and you were going on about the weather and the cab drivers and some girl. We were all in tears.



HOWARD

So was I.


BETH

Did you know you’re funnier the further from here you are? We liked the letters from Europe better then the one’ s from here. Why are you funnier over there? That’s not very patriotic I think. Are you going to say anything else funny? Can I run go get something to write on? ( BETH EXISTS through DOOR into one of the offices)



HOWARD

Roy, I am going to kill you.



BETH

(from out side of room, sing songy) did you say something funny? No fair starting before I get back.



HOWARD

I think I’ve heard that before.



BETH

I can’t wait to tell Bobby all the funny stuff you said, he’ll be so jealous, he’s always saying if you get tired of writing you should sign up with him. He says he always needs good comics. And you’re good.



ROY

ENTERING Sorry that took so long Howard. I hope Beth kept you entertained.




ROY

Why don’t we stay out here?




HOWARD

Why?



ROY

Its easier to pretend I’m not here if they think I ‘m the secretary. I tell them I‘m in conference and they go away. If they cane back later I know they aren’t going to waste my time.



HOWARD

Not before you waste theirs first.



ROY

Testy. What’s up?



HOWARD

I really need to talk about the new script.






ROY

I thought it was going all right. What happened? They were very excited about hearing you were working again. I have a list already of people who want it.


HOWARD

I am not a Hack.



ROY

I didn’t say you were. I only said that we have a time frame to keep in mind. The Season waits for no man. If you want this up and running for next season...



HOWARD

I could care less! You left me sitting in the office like sane delinquent in the principal’s office! Do you think I need to have my time wasted! That woman wanted to take notes! Oh and thanks for letting the office read my letters! That’s all I need after the week I had! I wrote and told you my life was over and you treat it like a joke on a Dixie cup! And further more, you want it for next season. I could give a damn. It’s a Process!!.






ROY

So sue me! Artiste! Some one has to pay bills. Some times I've had to pay yours as well. If you don’t want people to know where you’ve been, stop leaving paper trails.



HOWARD

Thank you. I hope you haven’t used that line to describe me. Makes me sound like a literate slug.


ROY

A what?



HOWARD

I want to do something with value. I want to start working on something more serious.



ROY

Great. You want to kill me. You make no money for years! And as soon as you start to make money, you decide you don’t like it? Get Used To It!



HOWARD

Do you think the money thing is the problem; I want to be taken seriously! I ‘m tired of bleeding on to paper and having people finger paint with it!


ROY

Listen to yourself! You’re funny! Do you know what a talent you have? You are huge! People would kill to be you!



HOWARD

Let them talk to my analyst



ROY

This is ridiculous. I’m taking you home and you are going to go to sleep and tomorrow you will have cane to your senses.


HOWARD

Take me home, but I have all ready come to my senses. What you heard was my senses!





ROY

What do you mean? The last one was great. This one will be great. You just need a vacation. Have you thought about Hawaii or somewhere?



HOWARD

You’ll have a show.



ROY

Something like Bonus?



HOWARD


Probably not.




ROY

You had some serious moments in Pretty Tiger, can’t you get it out of your system with a few scenes here and there, why a whole show?




HOWARD

I don’t know.


ROY

Do you have any ideas?


HOWARD

Yes. I ‘m thinking about a family. Have you ever read Long Days Journey into Night?



ROY

Yes...



HOWARD

Kind of like that only shorter and not as depressing.



ROY

Why are you reading O’Neil? Read some Neil Simon. It'll cheer you up.







HOWARD

Because. I want to be remembered for something that ‘t be condensed into a sitcom. I want something to pass on that really says something about our times.



ROY

Have you been going to the museum again? Watch TV.


HOWARD

Talk to me. That play is finished



ROY

I thought you said it wasn’t finished yet?



HOWARD

Its not but its as finished as its going to be. I wanted to work on it more but it won’t do any good. Take it, Pimp it, rent it, auction it to the highest not - for - profit bidder • I wash my hands of it.



ROY

Make your money. You don’t work cheap. I have an idea. I have a friend who is on the board of a theatre and they just had a director bow out of a show and looking for another one. Do you want to do it, its real sad? Not a laugh in it.



HOWARD

I’m not a director.



ROY

So? Neither was the guy who dropped out. Its almost ready to they just need some supervision. I think you’ll like it.



HOWARD

think I’ll hate it. I’m not interested. I didn’t say I wanted to see a drama, I said I wanted to Write a drama.

ROY

What better way to learn! Listen to the rhythms watch the actors.



HOWARD

What is it called?



ROY

Father in A Bottle



HOWARD

Never heard of it. Who wrote it?





ROY

Local talent.



HOWARD

What’s it about?



ROY

Its about this family and the old man drinks and the mother is in sane kind of fantasy world and the kids, oh, the kids, you wanted drama! One was blinded by the old man’s gin and the other is on smack! Or is it one is blind and on smack and the other is psycho or something. The score is fabulous! I hear...


ROY

What better way to learn! Listen to the rhythms watch the actors.




HOWARD

It’s a Musical!


ROY

I hear the audience will be humming through their tears all the way home!





HOWARD

And in the finale dad drops over dead!



ROY

See! I knew you would have the right feel for it! Haven’t even read it and you could see the out cane! You were born for this!



HOWARD

No. That, Roy was a JOKE! I tried to imagine what would happen in an awful musical tragedy and that was it.



ROY

Oh, come on! There are kids who would die for this opportunity and you turn it down out of hand!



HOWARD

Then give a kid a break.



ROY

A kid wouldn’t understand the angst! You love angst, you are angst! It’s not going to be a lot of responsibility. Just some supervision! Maybe a pep talk here and there! It opens in; I don’t know when it opens. But it opens soon. Come on!



HOWARD

Where is it?



ROY

Terup





HOWARD

Which is where?



ROY

There is a fabulous Chowder festival in February.



HOWARD

What state is it.



ROY

Bliss.



HOWARD

No.



ROY

The theatre is wonderful. The towns’ people are really into the theatre.







HOWARD

It’s a Community theatre isn’t it?




ROY

Yes.



HOWARD

That’s it. I’m gone. I’m home. I take it the checks in the mail.





ROY

Oh come on, it’ll be like a mini - vacation, take who ever you’re seeing.



HOWARD

Do you know what happens to me on vacation! Just ask the secretarial pool.



ROY

Think of what it will do for your reputation.



HOWARD

I can only imagine.

ROY

What would it take?



HOWARD

More then you want to give me.



ROY

I said I could talk deal. You want your drama. You have your drama.



HOWARD

No, you said give me the play and I will talk about it. You did not say “do this huge possibly career ending favor for me, then we’ll talk”.



ROY

Its up to you. If you walk you walk. I could forget you were ever here today. You could try to peddle a serious drama in today’s climate. By Yourself. I could have helped out; you aren’t as famous as you think you are. Name recognition alone will have them laughing... but. If you want to do this...



HOWARD

What happened to “You’re Huge!” ( pauses) In a previous life you sold cars didn’t you. How long would this take?

ROY

It depends. They have awhile before they go up and after that they have a two-week run. You would have to be there for rehearsals and for the run. 4 weeks.



HOWARD

A Month? No way. Two Weeks.



ROY

Four. I can’t do that with this.



HOWARD


Why did the director bow out?



ROY

His wife left him.


HOWARD


Did he make her watch it?


ROY

They didn’t share that with me. You owe me.


HOWARD

(sighing)


ROY

Fine. I’ll make reservations.





HOWARD

I all ready have reservations



SCENE 2

Several Days later. A rehearsal hall at one end there is a lounge area that serves as the green room. Cheap furniture, battered soft drink and candy machines. Old magazines, dead plants. The rest of the roan is bare except for long conference tables, folding chairs and beat up prop furniture.



HOWARD

(Writing at table, reading out loud) ... This place isn’t even a pit; it's a shallow grave! Roy you are an evil....



NOEL

(Entering) Sir, sir are you Howard Stahl?



HOWARD

Thank God! . Did you know I don’t have a bathroom? I have to share one with an ax murderer next door? And there is no hot water?






NOEL

(Temporarily speechless) Welcome to town sir. I ‘m your stage manager Noel Nolan. I have the rehearsal schedule and the cast list and the work the previous director had done, blocking, choreography etc... We are really happy that you have come to help us out. We’ve been holding rehearsal, but we’ve gone about as far as we can go.



HOWARD

Now this is called what?



NOEL
Father In a Bottle but we’ve been thinking of changing it



HOWARD

You can’t do that.



NOEL

Oh...



HOWARD

When is rehearsal?



NOEL

(Looks at watch) When ever you need it to be. But actually, right now, it’s right now. Here.


HOWARD
This would be the place wouldn’t it.



NOEL

It’s just a read through. It’s really for your benefit. I told them to be here 10 minutes ago, so they should be here now. (They, in mass, minus Gerald, enter)





HOWARD

Some of my best friends are directors.






NOEL

Guys, Mr. Stahl is a very well known playwright from New York. I’m sure you are familiar with his work. I know you are all going to cooperate. Is everybody here?



FRANCES

Gerald’s not here, he’s with Nina.

LORI

Did she die?



MARK

(To Howard) Fran your mouth to God’s ears. Gerald is the coroner. I would like to introduce myself. I am Mark Brady. I play Phillip.


HOWARD

Who is?



MARK

The Son. The Lead. Did you read it or not. What kind of professionalism is that?



NOEL

Down Mark. Mr. Stahl, Mark plays most of the younger lead parts.


HOWARD

A male ingénue ( smirks)





FRANCES

Yes, last year he played the lead in Doyle’s Folly.



HOWARD

You did?



GERALD

(enters) He played the tree.



MARX

Are you saying I’m wooden?



GERALD

I am saying that I have worked on corpse’s that wouldn’t be as stiff on stage as you are.


MARK

Looking for dates or hanging out with contemporaries?



LORI

Let me introduce myself, I’m Lori Kruger, I’m Genie in the play.



HOWARD

You’re blind and die right?



LORI

Nina decided against blind. I still die though.



FRANCES

My name is Francis Meterrand. Its lovely to meet you. I saw Pretty Tiger. It was marvelous.



MARK

(still upset) I’m not wooden. And I am not a male ingénue



GERALD

Neither is Formica. Does that make it less stiff?



HOWARD

Now that we all have been introduced. Where were you when David left? Where did you leave off?


GERALD

We did not leave off. We continued as before. There has been no pause in the rehearsal process. I saw to that myself.



HOWARD

So you’ ye have been the acting director?



MARK

He neither acts nor directs.






HOWARD


Noel.



NOEL

Okay, why don’t we read through for Mr. Stahl?




HOWARD


Good. Do that.



GERALD


I will begin.



LORI

Where?


GERALD

At the beginning



LORI

Where am I then? I’m not in the beginning.




FRANCES

You really aren’t very bright dear, are you?



LORI

(miffed) My boyfriend calls me the light of his life. (exits)



GERALD/ WALTER

I am the king of my castle! The Lord of the Manor! Master of all I survey!



MARK

I’m not ready yet.



NOEL

It’s a read through. You don’t have to be ready.



GERALD

Of course. I was warming up.


HOWARD

Yes.


GERALD and the others go about an abbreviated warm up routine before launching into the
Reading.



GERALD/WALTER

To unto me were children born and unto me only sadness brought. I think I shall never see another day with out rain another moment with out pain. All I have has been taken from me except those thankless creatures and my little dog. Flip. If I were to die tomorrow I would have only the memories of that wonderful animal to keep me through those endless nights of death. Where are you Flip? Daddy misses you!



NOEL

Okay, there’s a song here.



HOWARD

Do we have anything to use as music?



MARK

Damn, and me with out my Amazing Zippy Pocket Piano. Do we ever?





HOWARD

Is there a copy of the score?


FRANCES

We’ve been humming.



HOWARD

There is no score? Why is this musical? How is this a musical?



FRANCES/ETHEL

Walter. I am going to Mothers now


GERALD/ WALTER

Your mother is dead.



FRANCES/ETHEL

Mommy? (sigh). Do you need anything at the store? I ran out of a few things.



GERALD/WALTER

I want a chicken potpie.



MARK/PHILLIP

Mumsey! You! I’m Back!



FRANCES/ETHEL

You were gone?



MARK/PHILLIP

Oh yes, for quite some time actually. I was living with my lover.

.
GERALD/WALTER

Did she get tired of you too?



MARK/PHILLIP

Not as tired as I got of HIM. Tell me did sis get over that “insulin habit” (mimes shooting up) she picked up in Amsterdam or did she finally kick that?




LORI

Are they talking about me yet? I have a song. Are we stopping and starting or what?



MARK

We were reading until you stopped us. Now we have to start.



HOWARD

No, that’s all right. I think I’ve heard enough. What are the songs?



NOEL

A lot like the dialogue only in 4,4 time.



HOWARD

(sighing). Do we have costumes for this? Lights. How far has this progressed?



NOEL

Well, they pretty much supply their own costumes, but we told them to put sequins on then for this.



HOWARD

Sequins?



NOEL

It is a musical.




HOWARD

Lights?



NOEL

Just what we have. Four frenels, 2 PACs and a strip light. Normally we go for a realistic feel.



LORI

We have the flashlights we used for the puppet show.



MARK

Thank you for sharing Lori.



HOWARD

I think I need to lie down. I think this is all for tonight. You’re dismissed. Go Home.
(pauses) Noel?

.


NOEL

Yes?



HOWARD

Do you believe in a just God?



NOEL

Yes sir.



HOWARD

Pray we all die before we have to present this. Go Home. (NOEL EXITS). (to self) I am in hell. I am being punished for my sins. I am being punished for Roy’s’ sins. I wonder where along the way I died. I am most certainly in hell. I must be dead. Did the car go off the road at any time? Did I get some bad seafood? Its not as hot as I would have thought it would be. ( NOEL ENTERS)



NOEL

I brought your script back. You’re going to need it.



HOWARD

For what?



NOEL

Rehearsal.



HOWARD

For what? That farce? Where did you find it? And those people? From what rock did you scrape then out from under and why?



NOEL

They’re the Company. They just need a little work.



HOWARD

The acropolis needs a little work.



NOEL

It just looks bad, it’ll get better.



HOWARD

Who wrote it?



NOEL

Nina Fourstenberg.




HOWARD

I know that name. Why?



NOEL

This is The Fourstenberg Theatre. Nina is seeing Gerald, she wrote it for him.

HAROLD

Why, does she hate him?



NOEL

She doesn’t.



HAROLD

Didn’t anyone read this? This is a community theatre isn’t there a board of directors or an Artistic Director, some sort of governing body that decides what gets produced. I can’t see any rational person okaying that script for production. It’s going to ruin you.



NOEL

Dr. Foustenberg has the final word on productions.



HAROLD

Is he stupid? Has he read it? He did read it and he wants it to fail. He wants her to fail; I can see him wanting to set the screws to Gerald But why take everyone with them? He could have got even by sending out copies of it, why inflict it on a viewing audience the theatre is going to lose a fortune.



NOEL

The city uses it as a tax write off. It’s supposed to lose money.


HOWARD
Roy should know about this. I think his friend on the board should know about this.




NOEL

You could fix it.



HOWARD

Fix what? There isn’t anything to fix. Broken suggests the possibility of being repaired. There is nothing I could do for that play using the available verbiage; it could be sort of absurd...





NOEL

Yes...



HOWARD

This could work. I have to do something; I certainly can’t put my name on that trash. Even if everyone hates it, it’s still going to lose money. They seen to be playing it very strait, that could be a good thing though. If we kept the set simple and canceled the sequins? or really went with the sequin thing. Lots of sequins. We could get together a chorus. Chants.



The Next Day At Rehearsal




NOEL
There have been some changes.



HOWARD

I Clarified a few passages.



GERALD

What do you mean you’ve clarified a few things? This has been torn apart.



HOWARD

I said I want to get to work.



LORI

All the Kings horses and all the Kings men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.



FRANCES

Out of the mouths of babes.



GERALD

You re - wrote it



MARK

You can’t do this. I know you can’t do this.


HOWARD

Consider it a New Translation.



GERALD

I can’t believe you did this.



HOWARD

I stepped in and helped a colleague. I have a great respect for the written word.



GERALD

You changed the title!



HOWARD

Its been done before.



GERALD

Bottled Dad!



HOWARD

Bottled Dad, Does any body else have any thing to say?



MARK

I had 64 lines before. I now have only 59, and I think you have me confused with the dog.

HOWARD

If ‘you read carefully, Walter has you confused with the dog.



FRANCES

Ethel canes off like a deluded idiot.



GERALD

He played favorites..




LORI

I don’t have any lines any more. Thanks! (actually thankful) all I do know is walk through with my eyes closed, so I’m blind again, right? Do I still die? I sing though. Where are all those extra people going to cane from? Are my eyes open when I sing?





HOWARD

No and yes, Wide open.



LORI

So they’re closed all the rest of the time? How will I see?



HOWARD

Genie sees better then any body else.



GERALD

I am going to Nina. This is ridiculous.






HOWARD

(calling after him) The correct term is Absurd.



MARK

I think I agree with Gerald this time, we don’t do this sort of thing. We do Noel Coward.

HOWARD

Now you do Nina Fourstenberg. Noel lets get to work.


NOEL

Gerald isn’t here.

HOWARD

And mores the pity. Can we read this please? I’ll read Dad.



HOWARD/DAD

I look around. I see things that I bought, that I worked to pay for. That I placed where I wanted then to go. Now, I look around and I don’t recognize any of it. Where did all these Things came from? Who bought then, what where they thinking?

Did I need this (picks up a Hummel - type figure) when did I become a collector?



FRANCES /ETHEL

You don’t live here by yourself. I collect them. I bought these things. They are where I want them to be. When did you stop noticing me? (disgusted) I am going to visit my Mother.

HOWARD/DAD

Your Mother is dead.



FRANSES/ETHEL

You Noticed! . (Exits)



HOWARD / DAD

I had children. They made me miserable. They talk in rhymes; they tease me with strange ideas. They’re all gone. My dog is still here. He loves me. Flip. If I where to die tomorrow, the only good things I would take with me would be thoughts of him. Flip!






NOEL

Okay, there is no song here?



HOWARD

No. Cut. Mark. You, Here. Now.



MARK/PHILLIP

Mother! , ( to DAD)You! I’m back!.

MARK

From the dead.



HOWARD

That was funny before. This is now.



HOWARD/DAD

You were gone?



MARK/PHILLIP

Oh, yes, for quite sometime. I was living with my Lover.




HOWARD/ DAD

I take it she got tired of you.



MARK/PHILLIP

Not as tired as I got of HIM! Tell me, did sis kick that “insulin” habit she picked up in Amsterdam?



HOWARD/ DAD

More rhymes.



LORI

Have you got to me yet?



MARK

Oh.Good. We were reading through till you made us stop.



HOWARD

No, ~that’s all right. I want sane one to get Gerald.



GERALD

(ENTERS). I am here.



HOWARD

I all ready talked to her.



GERALD

I Know.



HOWARD

Lets start this again.

SCENE 3

The Greenroom opening night

(there would need to be a scene change to the green roan)



HOWARD

(to Roy, who is returning f rom the audience) Do they like it?.



ROY

It depends, they love the costumes. I .think they are waiting for the punch line.




HOWARD

It ‘is the punch line.



ROY

When I sent you here to do this I didn’t mean for you to make it into sane kind of grand statement. All you had to do, as I understand, all you were willing to do, was watch the final run throughs and attend the show. I didn’t say anything about rewriting.



HOWARD

A cretin after hearing the original would have found the motivation to learn to write so that he could re - write that mess. It was my duty.



ROY

Your duty as what?



HOWARD

As a member of the artistic community. I could not allow that trash to pollute air. I write, its what I do. I rewrite the back of cereal boxes. It’s a compulsion.



ROY

What if a director of one of your plays was similarly compulsed?


HOWARD

It’s not the same thing.



ROY

Why because you didn’t write it? You’ve had dogs in your day too. If a director took that kind of liberty with your work you would sue.



HOWARD

Frau time to time, lines have been changed. I understood.



ROY

Lines! One here, one there. You changed an Entire Script. I was in that Office for over an hour hearing about this. It started out as a tragedy.



HOWARD

Most of Nina’s script was uproariously funny; I didn’t change it as much as edit.




ROY

Even still. If they wanted a script doctor they would have asked for one.



HOWARD

Roy, you’re my agent! Stop lecturing me...



ROY

I’m sorry. She did say you had talked to her about it. Mr.Fourstenberg was the one really angry about it.



HOWARD

You know why?! He wanted it to fail! He knew it was awful. He doesn’t want a hit! If it succeeds he’ll never stand it. Nina is seeing Gerald, she wrote it for him Fourstenberg wanted to nail both of then to the wall. Gerald, for all his bitching and complaining, he’s great in the part. Nina now looks like the next best thing. Of Course his angry.



ROY

Okay, all things aside. It’s still funny. When I heard that you re - wrote it. I was imagining Death of a Salesman 2.




HOWARD

I tried. How did O’Neil know a line was good? I know. How is anybody ever going to take my work seriously if I ‘m making then laugh?




ROY

Laughter is the best medicine.




HOWARD

No one appreciates anything unless they walk away crying.



ROY

A Cathartic experience of any kind is still Catharsis.




HOWARD

Ahhhhh. It’s not the same!




ROY

Bobby’s always telling his comics that humor is a highly perishable substance. What gets a laugh today, maybe won’ t next year, or even tomorrow. Death and depression keep much better. You ever watch a revival of old comedy? It’s never as funny as it once was. Things don’t make sense any more. But you can cry through a sad show every time you see it. Tragedy is forever sad. Funny doesn’t keep.




HOWARD

You make me feel so much better. I told you I wanted to write something of substance. And I Can’t! What you are telling me is that I am doomed to obscurity.




ROY

So keep writing! You want to stop because you want to leave something that lasts. Do you think you’ve been writing on clouds? As long as your work is out there it will last. People will find different reasons for it to be funny. It only gets stale if it wasn’t good to begin with. Cheer Up! I don’t want to talk to you about this any more. Different topic.How about Directing? Calm down and tell all about it.




HOWARD

This is the most stressful situation I have ever been in.




ROY

How so?




HOWARD

I’m not in control. Not any more. They can go up there and do what ever they want. I can’t have then start over a section I don’t think is going well. I tried watching it before, but I wanted to run up there and guide Lori to her mark. I had to leave. Its bad enough I can hear them walking on each other’s lines.




ROY

This is good. See, you’re breathing. Tell me about rehearsal.




HOWARD

I guess it depended on what page we were on. 46 was great with Gerald, who walked Out of page 60. Mark loves his monologue on page 23, but coughed all the way through page 45. Of all of them Frances and Lori have really gotten into it. Mark hates me, Gerald doesn’t’ t speak to me, much improvement over Gerald speaking to me. I wish they could understand, they recognize good drama, they have Actually done some decent things. I think they’ll come around. Not that it matters, this is the first, last and only night of the run.




ROY

They made up their minds?




HOWARD

Fourstenberg wants the whole thing over.




ROY

Nina.




HOWARD

I don’t know. . I don’t want it to be over. The cast lives for this. They don’t know it, but they are really actors.




ROY

Are you ready to cane home and write your own drama?




HOWARD

I don’t think I could even if I wanted to.




ROY

They laughed again, they’ve been laughing a lot. That is a good thing, you know. I talked to a comic that said that Making an audience laugh was an “exhibition of power”.




HOWARD

I don’t know.




ROY

Have you been paying attention to where they are? Shouldn’t this be? over soon?




HOWARD

Its almost over, Dad has to die yet. We’ll be able to hear that. But it could end at any time if Gerald decides to leave at will in the middle of a scene for sane reason, or one of the chorus wanders off. Or Lori forgets why she’s in the scene. I haven’t heard any screaming so they haven’t started to revolt against me yet. They hate me.




ROY

No. They don’t, they don’t even know who you are. Its not like you live here. Let them hate you.




HOWARD

It doesn’t matter. I did it though. I think I’m ready for a vacation.



Gerald enters the room

HOWARD

Gerald! What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be out there! Oh My God!



GERALD

What do you take me for? I just finished dieing! I am waiting for curtain call.



HOWARD

I told you this wasn’t going to be as bad as you thought it would be.



GERALD

Please! I am in character!



ROY

If you were really in character you would be dead.

GERALD HURRY’ S OUT.



HOWARD

He would know dead.



ROY

If this is as successful as it sounds, they’ll forget they ever even thought nasty things about you. A standing ovation he’ll tell everybody it was his idea.

HOWARD

I guess that would be one way of ducking this. Shifting the blame. I don’t know though. They seen to like it. There were A lot of people still here after intermission.



ROY

It could almost be performance art.



HOWARD

The seats are too comfortable.



ROY

Speaking of ovations. I think its over.



HOWARD

Go see what is going on. Silence is bad.



(Howard paces around the small roan. the sound of wild applause fills the roan)



ROY

They weren’t silent. They were crying! They love to cry! It’s going to run forever. You made then cry!



HOWARD

I think I’m ready for a vacation. How serious is Beth about
Bobby.


THE END